How to get out of Jury Duty 101

I'm back!!  Did you miss me?  It's okay to admit you did.  

The State of New York decided that the best way for me to finish up two months of chaos was with Jury Duty.  Honestly, what doesn't sound appealing about getting paid less than minimum wage to get locked in a small room with no windows and people you don't like to hear about a guy getting shot in the stomach for seven whole days? .... Yeah, thought so. Needless to say, in eight years, when I eligible to be picked again, I will find a way out, luckily, I can use this experience to my advantage. Since I am a nice person I am going  to share some of those methods with you.  Because no one's dreams should be haunted by this guy:

I am not even sure who this is, I was too creeped out by the lack of eyes to find out.

ONE. Come up with a medical excuse.  The judge will just take your word for it (at least he did in this case).  But make sure it is something that will really get you out of it.  Telling him that you have allergies and will cough if it gets too warm in the room is a stretch (yes, a woman tried to use that as an excuse).

TWO.  Fall asleep as the judge is explaining things.  This worked like a charm for a few guys.  Personally, I had too much self respect to do that this time around.  But after my miserable experience, I am willing to do anything to get out of it next time around.  Including looking like a fool... and that brings me to my next suggestion.

THREE. Sport a hair style that will make people question your intelligence.  It worked for one woman on our panel.  I am fairly certain that she mixed up a Dr. Seuss book with a copy of In Style, because she looked like she belonged in Whoville.  She had a high side pony tail that was braided, and a dolor store flower stuck in.  She was eliminated in the first round and I was tempted to wear pig tails  the next day, but it was too late at that point.

FOUR.  Decide that you know the guy.  I wish I would have thought of this. While the Judge was asking questions to the rest of the jurors, a man stood up and shouted "Your Honor, I am pretty sure I know the defendant!".  He said that he couldn't remember from where, but he knows he knows him!  It worked like a charm.  He was dismissed right away.

FIVE.  Make friends in law enforcement and/or with criminals. I would say that 90% of the people that said they knew some one in law enforcement or someone that  had been convicted of a felony were dismissed.  I think I am going to start hanging out at the doughnut shop in the morning so that I have en excuse the next time around.

And there you have it, ways to get out of Jury Duty.  Tomorrow I will enlighten you all on the trail, because I know that's what you all really want to know about.

PS - check out my improved "about me  section" but only f you care to know more about me.