Do these things if you want me to delete you on Facebook.

I have gone back and forth on deactivating my Facebook account numerous times.  I always end up keeping it and just going on a huge friends binge instead.  The internet is already loud enough.  I don't need to subject myself to even more chaos by remaining friends with people that annoy me.  So what will make me banish you from my book of faces?  A few things (that are actually really easy to not do).

ONE. All of your status updates are about politics and/or religion.  

Okay, we get it!  You hate Obama and abortion.  Even if I agree with you on these topics, that's not why I am on Facebook.  You will get the boot even faster if you express these very original thoughts with internet memes.  

TWO. You are constantly complaining about the drama that surrounds your life.  

I don't really care what your baby daddy did or didn't do.  Or that your exBFF had the nerve to be at the same place at the same time as you.  If your life is always surrounded by drama, maybe you should look for the common denominator (that's you, FYI).

THREE.  You believe your opinions/way of doing things are the only correct ones. 

This is the thing that pushed me over the edge today.  Don't comment on one of my status updates and say that "you could never do that.." implying that you are such a better person than me.  Especially if we haven't spoken face to face in over 10 years and we weren't even that close then.  You don't know the background of the story.  Not to mention that you have made plenty of questionable choices in your life.  End rant.  

FOUR. The only thing you talk about are your life struggles, even in your comments on other's posts.  

I am a huge fan of people being real on social media.  But there is a fine line of being real and being an attention hungry Debbie downer.  For example, if I say something about my love of peanut-butter cups, there is no need to leave a comment like "too bad I can't eat them or they will kill me".  I am sorry you have allergies, but lets not be dramatic.  

FIVE. You post daily status updates with your agenda.  

Are you going to do something fun this afternoon and you want to tell your friends?  Cool, post away.  But if you are posting your daily menu and list of errands you have to do after work, I really don't care.

If you repeatedly have done two or more of these things, I have (or will soon) unfriend you. I may not be able to control your actions, but I get to decide if I want to be subjected to them.