Saturday, August 3, 2013

The Worst Advice I Ever Received or The Most Serious Post Yet

So, I wrote this yesterday to post for today's blogging challenge with the North East Blogger's Network.  It turned out to be a little more serious than I expected, and I almost deleted it to write something more lighthearted.  But then I decided to keep it up.  Sharing this little tid-bit of my life is not an easy thing to do, I am embarrassed that I let this happen to me.  I decided to go with it because while it is one of my biggest mistakes, ending it was one of my biggest accomplishments.  I started blogging because I liked the idea of meeting new people and encouraging one another.  How can I expect real friends to come from this if I am not real when I write?  That's why I decided to share this story.

Once upon a time I was in an absolutely terrible relationship.  Looking back, I should have known better and I can say that it was abusive.  He didn't abuse my physically, but he was extremely manipulative and made me feel like I was the worse girlfriend in the world for various reasons.  He made me do everything for him from getting up at 4 am to pick him up and bring him to work (because this awesome guy didn't have a car), to bringing him McDonald's and a pack of cigarettes because he was broke and stressed.   I knew that I shouldn't have been with him.  I knew he was bad news.  I knew that the relationship would go no where if I had to keep it a secret from the majority of my close friends.  He ended his relationship with his fiancee to be with me, but then left me (on Valentine's day) to be with my "best friend" (that was living with me for free because she broke up with her physically abusive boyfriend).  Before we got back together, the two of them expected me to be more than okay with the situation.  If I expressed that I was feeling  any type of negative feeling, it was some how my fault and I was in the wrong for not supporting them in there relationship.   I would post a picture of the three of us, but I deleted or burned all but one that I sent into PostSecret.

Normally I pride myself on being a very level headed and making very logical thought out choices.  So why did I chose to be with this loser?  Well first of all I was emotionally vulnerable and lost at that point in my life. But also because two people told me I would be happy.  It was by far the worst advice I have ever received.

Right around this time I had developed a little bit of a crush on Dean (Dean had the same feelings for me, but he didn't tell me).  I was frustrated with the stale mate that our relationship was in and I expressed that frustration to these people.  They told me that if Dean wasn't going to step up to the plate, then he wasn't worth waiting for.  I should be with the person who really wanted to be with me.  The guy that was willing to call off his wedding for me.  So that's what I did.  besides, Dean was moving to the other side of the world without me.  So obviously he didn't care about me, right?  They were so wrong.

While Dean was still gone I had the courage to end things.  It was the most terrifying thing I have ever done in my life.  Of course I was accused of being ungrateful and selfish.  He told me that I would never find another person to love me like he did and I was making a huge mistake.  I think he was more upset with losing his daily ride than he was with losing me.

He was right about one thing though, I never did find anyone who "loved" me like he did again.  And for that, I am forever grateful.

1 comment:

  1. Great post! It's so hard to break free of manipulative people.

    And you've got me thinking. I wrote my post on something fairly light, but last week, I did a post about how my doctors made me stop taking all my medication when I was trying to get pregnant and it wrecked my health. It didn't even occur to me to categorize that as bad advice. And I did hesitate to write such an angry post last week, but I'm glad I did.

    And I'm glad you shared this story. I've wasted more than my share of time dating guys who weren't worth it.