Thursday, June 13, 2013

A Father's Love

Sadly, this is the most recent photo of my dad and I.  The last time I saw him was my high school graduation 10 years ago.
Father's Day has never been one of my favorite days.  It was always so hard for me to figure out what I shoudl do with my emotions. I have to admit, I have been pretty confused emotionally lately when I think of my dad. Maybe it's just my time of the month, maybe it's because I am am married now and see the potential Dean has to be a great father, or it might have something to do with the box of journals I have been unpacking... yeah, that seems right.  Whatever the reason may be, it has caused me to be really reflective and I have actually come to a conclusion I never thought I would..... My Dad is my hero! 

If you asked me how I felt about my dad 12 years ago, you would have gotten a completely different response.  But I have been able to see through my personal disappointment and see his heart. He has the attitude about life that I want. People look at him and say he is crazy and that he could never contribute to society, but he is happy. 

When I was a child we lived in CT and my dad lived in MA. Every Friday my dad would pick me up from Ballet class, we would rent a movie buy a bag of popcorn and go to his house and watch a movie while we snuggled in my special RainbowBrite sleeping bag. Then the next morning we would go fishing or play at the park, and we would always stop at the toy store on the way back home. When I was older we moved and I didn't get to see him very much, and he started to realize it took more than a new Barbie to make me smile. That's when I started to get disappointed. I knew that he loved me and I could tell he would attempt to have a relationship with me, but it just didn't happen the way either one of us would have liked.

One thing I could remember him always talking about, was how much he hated being cold. He would tell me all about TX and how warm it was there and how he wanted to live there someday. If he wasn't talking about TX, He was talking about Harley's. When I was 4 he bought a custom built Harley Davidson, when I was 6 he sold it for not even a fraction of its worth. When I was 15, and he realized that my mother and I were not moving back to New England anytime soon. So, he bought a school bus and started turning it into a "camper". During my Freshmen year of college he bought a plot of land in TX and parked his bus there and he still lives there now, still in his bus.

 It's not the bags of popcorn, the fishing tips, or the Barbie's my dad has purchased for me over the years that make him my hero. He is my hero because he goes for what he wants without caring what people think. I honestly cannot think of one thing my father has ever wanted that he hasn't at least attempted to get. He has a boldness about him that I have never seen in anyone else. If he wants something, he will do everything in his power to get it. He may not always succeed  but he is making a bigger effort than most. It doesn't matter to him that people may think he is crazy for living in a school bus, he is happy there.

Don't get me wrong, my father has made a lot of mistakes in his life and there are times I wish he could have done better, but that's all in the past and I have been blessed with one of the most loving father figures I could ever ask for to stand in the gap. I forgave Dad for all of the hurt a long time ago. However, the attitude I have towards my father now is some thing I never thought I would experience.... I am proud of him and I am proud to be his daughter!

Thank you Dad! Even if you have a hard time expressing it, I know you love me with all your heart, and I love you too!

1 comment:

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