Wednesday, May 4, 2016

The Working Mom Post

One year a go today I stuffed my postpartum body into some dress pants, changed my top three times because of spit up, kissed my tiny 2 month old goodbye, and went back to work a job I tolerated with people I loved.  I made it through the day with surprising ease and at 4:30 (I really couldn't wait until 5) went home to snuggle my love again.  Since that day I have worked full-time, part-time, and not at all.  I have concluded that even if we were to win the Mega Millions tomorrow, I would still want to work.

I have learned many things about my self since I became a mom.  One of those things is that I need to work for my sanity.  When I was working full time I cherished my weekends.  They were my time to get things done and hang out with Paisley.  I wouldn't trade them for the world.  I had my moments of course.  There were a few times that I cried to Dean saying I missed my baby, but for the most part our weekly routine worked for us.  Then I was laid off.  At the time, Paisley was 7 months old.  I was thrilled to have more time to spend with her. I also used the time to get a lot of things done around the house.  I was loving my time home, but we just weren't making ends meet.

When I went back to work part time it was the perfect balance!  I had time with Paisley, my house was still clean, I didn't have to buy groceries on a Saturday, and I was bring in enough income to make ends meet.  Then I was laid off again.  I thought I would enjoy my time off as much as I did the first time, but that was not the case.  To be frank, I was bored.  I did what needed to be done, and I enjoyed my time with Paisley, but I needed more structure.  I blew through about 6 seasons of Gray's Anatomy on Netflix in just a few weeks.  I needed to work again.

So, that's what I did.  Granted it is part time, but that is perfect for us.  I love the balance it brings to my life.   I love that each day brings something a little bit different.  I love the structure that is created by a weekly routine.  I love that I have a reason to wear cute clothes and get out of yoga pants more than twice a week.  I love that Paisley will grow up seeing the benefits of hard work.  I love that working part time forces me to focus on the quality of our time together instead accepting the quantity.  Working actually makes me a better mom.

I understand this is not for everyone.  I will admit that I still have my moments where I feel like I am missing out.  I occasionally still get the "it's so sad you have to leave her" comments.  I do my best to brush them off, but I would be lying if I said they didn't sting.  I get sad when Dean tells me how cute she was at Story Time or hear her cry when I leave.  I  know that staying home would have equally hard moments because that is what parenting is.  So, I take them in stride.  Maybe down the road things will change, but for now, this works for us.

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