Sunday, October 2, 2016

Birthday, Lipstick, Farts, Barf and Cornfields

I promised Michelle I would share this story this week.  Hopefully it will help her feel better about her hellish road trip with her car sick daughter.  

I don't have a photo for this story, so enjoy this picture of Paisley instead.
For my fourteenth birthday my mom brought me to the mall with my two best friends. We made the usual rounds to PacSun, Bath and Body Works, and Gadzooks before finishing up at Clair's with the very important purchase of a "Best Friends Forever" necklace set.  We walked back to meet my mom in order of our necklace words (I was best of course) and stopped at a Mexican restaurant for dinner.  I should have pick Italian.  

All three of us sat in the back seat and sang along with the Backstreet Boys for most of the trip home. We were most of the way there when my friend started to complain her stomach hurt.  Eventually, she let out a giant, loud, extremely smelly fart and felt better.  I was stuck in the middle seat, furthest from the window.  I was trapped.  I've always had a week stomach. Eventually, the stench got the best of me and I vomited all over myself.  I started crying as my mom pulled over, because who barfs on their birthday?!  My friends were laughing so hard they had to pee in the cornfield we had parked next to.  Someone wasn't paying attention on there way there and ended up stepping in some sort of poop,  The rest of the ride home was rather stinky.

The following Monday I got dressed for school wearing my new pants from PacSun.  It wasn't until after I got to school, that I noticed the reddish-brown lip stick I got somehow ended up all over the pack of my new pants in a very unfortunate spot. 

For my fifteenth birthday, I stayed home.  


  1. Haha!!! Oh no. That's awful and funny. Also---those are the EXACT stores I would've gone to at 14.

  2. HAHAHA this is hilarious. Also slightly tragic! :)