I don't Have to Like It All to Love It

 

A few days ago I stumbled across this photo in my TimeHop app.  The caption I posted was "So this is how we are napping today...so much for a productive Saturday". Paisley was all of 3 months old and I had been back to working 40 hours a week for a month.  I was the emotional equivalent of a jack-in-the-box, and the stress of balancing work life and mom life was getting to me. I didn't have to read the comments this time, I remembered them.  I remembered the guilt just as well.

Each "time passes so quickly", "you won't miss dirty dishes in 20 years", and "this is the most productive thing you can do" seemed like a twist of the knife.  I "liked" the comments  because I knew they meant well, but in all truthfulness, I hated them.  I wasn't putting the cleanliness of my house at a higher priority than my daughter, yet I felt that people thought I was.  I just wanted to do some dishes so we had clean glasses to drink out of, maybe even get a shower if I was lucky.

Here is some truth for you:  I do not enjoy all aspects of motherhood.  Because not all moments of motherhood are full of warm fuzzies and rainbows.  There are a lot of really crappy moments when it comes to parenting a child (I mean that both literally and figuratively).

Now, before you think I am a cold, heartless monster let me just say I believe motherhood is a wonderful gift.  I wholeheartedly agree that the days are long, but the years are short.  I am fully aware that there are plenty of women out there who would die to have a baby keeping them from house work (I was one of them).  Combine these feelings with a desire to get some work done and guilt sets in.

Something I have learned in my short time as a mother is that it is okay not to enjoy every moment.  I don't have to enjoy sleepless nights, dirty diapers, or meltdowns when I leave her in the nursery.  Quite frankly, those moments suck.  However, it is part of the package deal, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.  That package also includes the snuggles, the popsicle sharing, the crazy dancing, the coloring, the bath time giggles, and the way she says "uh-oh" after she passes gas in the grocery store.

So, I am enjoying motherhood, at least the parts that are important.  And just because I would like my child to sleep in her crib instead of my arms doesn't mean I am not "soaking it in", it just means that I would like to wash some dishes (because I probably ran out of paper plates.)