The One About Pee (And a Few Other Things)

Let me tell you a story about last Monday.

I picked the kids up from the sitter and start getting them into the car after chatting a little longer than I should have.  As I am about to buckle Ellison into his car seat, I notice that he is really wet.  The sitter had just changed him when I walked in, so it took me a second to realize what happened.  Only one side of his diaper was fastened, and this resulted in pee getting everywhere.  Okay, not fun, but that's part of parenting.  Let's move on.

I am buckling Paisley into her seat and I smell urine.  I thought it was just Ellison until I went for the middle buckle and she was damp.  "Paisley, did you have an accident?"

"No Mom, I just peed on purpose".Yeah.  Awesome.  Come to find out she peed outside because that's what boys do.  But she missed.  Like a lot. That was an interesting conversation to have on the way home. 

I walk into the house and discover Hattie missed the puppy pad we had down for her.  Monday is the one day a week we have to leave her for 6 plus hours and most of the time this is not an issue.  However, this time she had to go and happened to miss.  And not like the puddle was next to the pad kind of missed.  No, it was just on the edge, so everything went under the pad.  Thus resulting in even more pee for me to clean up. 

You would think that would be the end of pee, right?  Well, I thought so too.  I was wrong.  Ellison ended up peeing all over himself when I changed his diaper. Cause really, what is more pee this evening?  As I am cleaning him up, my pajama pants get stuck on the edge of the changing table causing a nine-inch rip down the seem. Remember this detail for later, I wish I had

We manage to limp through until bath time with only one more pee incident (yes, there was even more pee). As I am about to get Ellison out of the tub I hear "BEEEEEEP". At first, I thought it was the smoke detector.  But it wasn't.  Three obnoxiously loud beeps later, I realize it is the Carbon Monoxide detector.   I check it to see if it just needs new batteries, but both the "move to fresh air" and the "operation" light are blinking.  So I really have no idea what the hell is going on.

I panic for a second to think to about how to handle the logistics of dealing with this with two kids ready for bed. After turning off the heat and opening the windows, I put Ellison to bed and call Dean.  Cause he can totally fix this while he is at work -duh.  He tells me to call the Landlord, who says he will come to check things out.  After looking at it, he thinks it may just be a faulty detector, but would like to call the fire department to be sure (which is probably really smart).  The fire marshal comes over with his handy dandy meter thingy and gives us the all clear.   

You know how I told you to remember that tiny detail about my pants?  Well, it wasn't until after everyone left, and I tucked Paisley back into bed that I noticed I never changed my pants.  My landlord and the fire marshal saw my batman panties and a good six inches of skin. 

As if all of that wasn't enough.  My evening decided to flip me a proverbial middle finger when I opened the dishwasher and the handle fell off. 

Screw you too, evening! 

THE END